understanding perhaps but not applicable wisdom; who will listen and the lessons learned cannot be applied to the moments when knowledge was most needed.
looking back, the mind recapitulates what happened and damns the mouth that uttered those words, words that can now never be altered, inflected, softened. the line was cut then as fury burst into searing flames. no, never. but then the hurts inflicted were grievous and the response not surprising, but why did I not wait and reconsider, why did he call; what was he thinking? and how long ago was that anyway? yesterday? months, years, decades. within are experiences that can never be undone. they are. most of the time I did not think about it, but now life is lengthy, and memories mark the milestones and though time may not be any less filled the moments that are landmarks stand out starkly and are monuments of sorrow, folly or joy, but joy is overcast now by the drear of having done the wrong thing at a particular moment, decisions that cannot be undone or acts taken against me that cannot be undone.
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